College Podcast, High School Counselor, High School Students, College Counseling, College Admissions, College Application, Extracurricular, Applying to US Colleges, Westhill High School, Advice for High School Students, Managing Expectations"> Podcast | Tom-Stepkoski-of-Westhill-High-School-on-College-Counseling-Thrive--Not-Just-Survive-e202rq8

Podcast

Episode Notes | Transcript | AskTheGuest

 Hi Fives (5 Highlights)   Click for 3-Minute Listen

Tom Stepkoski is a Career and College Counselor at Westhill High School in Connecticut.

Tom’s approach to counseling has been shaped by his coaching and teaching experience over the last few decades. Here are the high points:

  • “Thrive, Not Just Survive” philosophy;
  • Start Counseling early;
  • Challenging & Guiding students find the appropriate next chapter for them;
  • Delivering personalized attention to  a large and diverse population of students.

Hi-Fives from the Podcast are:

  1. About Counseling
  2. Approach to College Counseling
  3. Starting with 9th Grade
  4. Success Stories
  5. Advice for High Schoolers

For Podcast Takeaways, Insights and More, check out my Newsletter.

Episode Notes

Episode Title: Tom Stepkoski of Westhill High School on College Counseling: Thrive. Not Just Survive.

Subscribe to Receive Venkat’s Weekly Newsletter

Tom admired his coaches in high school. In fact after graduating from High School, he went back to his high school to be a coach under his varsity soccer coach. During that time, he noticed that a number of coaches were also guidance counselors. He liked that enough to get a Master’s degree in School Counseling.

But it would be another 20 years before he actually jumped into counseling full time at Westhill High School.

On our podcast, Tom talks about his background, Westhill High School, Counseling approach & philosophy, the challenges, Success Stories, and his advice for high school students.

In particular, we discuss the following with him:

  • Tom Stepkoski’s Background
  • Approach to College Counseling
  • Challenges
  • Advice for High Schoolers

Topics discussed in this episode:

  • Introducing Tom Stepkoski, Westhill High School [0:52]
  • Hi Fives - Podcast Highlights [2:13]
  • Professional Background [5:15]
  • About Counseling [6:57]
  • Westhill High School [8:42]
  • Approach to College Counseling [10:46]
  • Starting with 9th Graders [17:19]
  • What’s Next High School Graduation? [19:51]
  • Success Stories [23:50]
  • Majors Students Pursue [26:58]
  • Advice for High Schoolers [29:07]
  • Staying Excited [36:32]

Our Guest: Tom Stepkoski is the Career and College Counselor at Westhill High School in Stamford, Connecticut. In addition, Tom also runs Tom Step Coaching for Personal Development.

Memorable Quote: “The smartest person in the room is not the one who has all the answers. It's the one who asked the most questions. So, so keep on going, keep on asking, keep on inquiring, and, you know, always, always, always, always try to learn, and learn about you.” Tom Stepkoski.

Episode Transcript: Please visit Episode’s Transcript.

Recommended Episodes: College Experiences

Calls-to-action:

Episode Transcript

Transcript of the episode’s audio.

<Start Snippet> Tom S  0:14  

You're growing and you're you're learning and you are going to make mistakes and it's okay. The smartest person in the room is the person not who has all the answers is someone who asked the most questions. So, so keep on going, keep on asking, keep on inquiring. And, you know, always, always, always, always try to learn and learn about you. And that's, that's the biggest thing that for me for colleges, I love how kids find themselves for those next four years. And then even the next four years after that they go into graduate work, they find themselves yet again.

Venkat  0:52  [Introducing Tom Stepkoski, Westhill High School]

That is Tom Stepkoski, Career and College Counselor at Westhill High School in Connecticut.

Hello, I am your host, Venkat Raman.

Tom admired his coaches in high school.

In fact after graduating from High School, he went back to his high school to be a coach under his varsity soccer coach.

During that time, he noticed that a number of coaches were also guidance counselors.

He liked that enough to get a Master’s degree in School Counseling.

But it would be another 20 years before he actually jumped into counseling full time at Westhill High School.

Venkat Raman  1:43

On our podcast, Tom talks about his background, Westhill High School, Counseling approach & philosophy, the challenges, Success Stories, and his advice for high school students.

Before we jump into the podcast, here are the Hi-Fives,  Five Highlights from the podcast:

Tom S 2:13  [Highlights - Hi Fives]

[About Counseling]

got really good at, you know, really, you know, doing my research and you know, really being forced to really know all the schools as best as I could and to know the programs and to really learn the landscape. And I did that, believe it or not, for about 15 years.

[Approach to College Counseling]

The first thing that we do is we just we basically just try to tell the students like anything you're going to do that you're thinking about whether your plan, it's sort of a thrive, not survive approach. So we like to say thrive, don't think of survive that, you know, the problem is, as you know, we have this 2 million year old brain, that it's all about survival.

[Starting with 9th Grade]

I came from the middle school. So I was already even doing some workshops after school, getting kids ready in the eighth grade for their resume and telling them what a resume was, what a grade point average was, you know, just to sort of prep them for the high school. And you know, what is this all for? What is this all for? Well, and they are always concerned, wow, we'll What do I need to graduate from your high school, or from the high school here in our town? How many credits of this and how many credits of that, and I meant, well, this is what you need, but you really got to look further and they're like,

 

[Success Stories]

You know, we have, we have students that you know, when they leave for me that my personal best is when a student stays in touch, and they come back. And that's when I really, you know, of course, I'm happy to see them. And, you know, now they're, some of them become my colleagues for crying out loud, you know, and it's crazy. It's crazy how the world how the world works, you know?

[Advice to High Schoolers]

Try to tell them, you know, you there's 4000 schools in this in this great country, you know, we'll find one for you where you can thrive, you know, what I mean? Where you can really exercise, you know, be intentional, make a plan and really look at the, I would call them the things that kids just they never look at the byproducts, you know, of a college because, you know, they're thinking, you know, affordability, they're thinking does it have my major, you know, but they're not looking at all of the all of the great things that are gonna come from a school light in.

Venkat Raman  4:35

These were the Hi5s, brought to you by “College Matters. Alma Matters.”

Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For my newsletter, visit Alma matters.substack.com.

Venkat Raman  4:52

Now, I'm sure you want to hear the entire podcast with Tom.

So without further ado, here's the podcast with Tom Stepkoski!

-----------------

Venkat Raman  5:03  

If you're ready, we can jump right in.

Tom S  5:05  

Yeah, let's do it.

Venkat Raman  5:07  

Fabulous. Okay, so maybe the best place to start is maybe a little bit about your background, tell us who you are and how you got into this.

Tom S  5:15  [Professional Background]

Yes. So, you know, I was always a coach growing up. And I say that because at a young age of 18, even when I got out of high school, I went right back to my same high school to be a soccer coach under the varsity soccer coach, and I just, I really admired my coaches that had coached me, and I noticed that a couple of them were actually guidance counselors. So I decided, you know, I kind of looks like a really cool thing, you know, to be able to coach sports and, you know, become become a guidance counselor. So I decided, I'm going to go to school, and, of course, go into business, God knows why I went into business, but I just never really made the connection. And then all of a sudden, I find myself, you know, going into teaching, and then I teach for about 20 Something years, and then I decide, you know, now it's time to go full time and go into guidance counseling, because I just, I love the coaching profession. So, so much, and to me, you know, on teaching, coaching, it all kind of blends, you know, even if it's sports, coaching, college coaching, counseling, therapy, it's all kind of one in the same to me, you're, you're really modeling and trying to teach somebody something.

Venkat Raman  6:43  

Now, are you are you focused entirely on career counseling as a broad area are you kind of you look at it as a sort of an integrated thing where you counsel across various things, you well,

Tom S  6:57  [About Counseling]

You can counsel across various things. But I, in my first part of my career, I had, you know, like I said, I was telling you, I was teaching and I was teaching, I was teaching Spanish. And during those years, I got my master's degree in School Counseling, but I didn't, I didn't exercise my degree. But because I love to do it so much, I decided to do it on the side. And when you do something on the side, and you call it counseling, people don't necessarily bring their sons and daughters to you to talk about therapy. And to me, they wanted they want one thing, and that's college. So yeah, I got really good at, you know, really, you know, doing my research and, you know, really being forced to really know all the schools as best as I could and to know the programs and to really learn the landscape. And I did that, believe it or not, for about 15 years, until I finally decided in 2010. You know, I, I just I loved, I loved teaching, and that's why I stayed, but then I sort of felt like, you know, I feel like I can make a bigger difference if I transition out of the classroom, and do this kind of like on a full time basis. So I do my individual coaching. And now I'm hired by my high school to do career in college counseling. So I am the career in college coordinator, counselor or guidance counselor at my school, which I love to death. I've been doing it the past. You know, this is my 13th year now, and I absolutely love it.

Venkat Raman  8:38  

So tell me a little bit about the high school Westhill High School, right?

Tom S  8:42  [Westhill High School]

Yeah, so what's the high school? You know, like we had discussed previously, we have around 60 to 70 I want to say ethnic backgrounds, or languages that are spoken at our school. Our minority population is around 70%. And yeah, and we have like a, it's crazy, a free reduced lunch population of like, 50%. So we really is there's a huge Latino population as well, about 20% of our students are Latino population. So we have an incredible you know, English learning program, English learners programs. So that's part of the reason I was brought in, I was brought in as sort of like a bilingual counselor, because I could, I could work with with those students. And you know, when you're talking that, you know, 500 of your students are those but I can only have a caseload of 200. We had to bring in another counselor, and yet another that could speak Spanish and then all of a sudden our career and college coordinator left two years after I had arrived. So the dilemma became, hey, who knows this job the best, right? And just out of all the people that out of all the people that came in interviewed, they they still said that I knew the job I'm better than anybody. So they're like, Well, what do we do? If we put you over in a college and career? What's that going to do for our Spanish speaking population? So we just, we just decided to work it out and adjust the caseload. And it's, it's so it's really it's a boasts of Beth, we're boast of both of best worlds for me right now. Because I, I get to do the piece that I love the most. And that is career college counseling. And, you know, it's it's 2200 students is what we're at right now. It's we're a very big high school in Connecticut. Yeah.

Venkat Raman  10:34  

I mean, you've been doing this for a long time now. So you've developed some approaches and philosophies to the whole concept of career and college counseling. So, you know, what is that? Or how would you describe

Tom S  10:46  [Approach to College Counseling]

it? Yeah, I would, I would describe it as I mean, that the best way that I, you know, it's so neat, the questions that you sent, were fantastic. It really got me to really think, even though I use these words, every day, I never really, you know, put it into like a formal thing. But I really would say that, not just myself, but all of our counselors, I worked with 11 other counselors at my school. And yeah, we take on the, like I said, this 2200, you know, student caseload. And the big thing that I love about our district is that it takes care of everybody. And I love that it has that approach, of course, you have to have that approach wherever you work. So 50% of our kids will go to a four year college. But that does, that doesn't mean that you you just you say good luck to the other 50%. You know, that's why that's why it's called, you know, college and career. But as far as it for both pieces, whether you're destined to go, or your ideal dream someday is to go to a four year college, and undergrad, and so forth is you know, you really want to treat everybody you know, as if they're learners, we're all learners. And we, the first thing that we do is we just we basically just try to tell the students like anything you're gonna do, that you're thinking about whether your plan, it's sort of a thrive, not survive approach. So we'd like to say thrive, don't think of survive that, you know, the problem is, as you know, we have this 2 million year old brain, that it's all about survival, you know, we're worrying about what's going to happen to me, how will I be able to take care of myself, you know, and as far as college is concerned, you know, number one that kids come in, and they're very savvy, you don't think that they're that smart, but they, they actually they listen to their parents, they talk a lot with their families, you know, they know number one, first and foremost, you know, is the affordability factor, they know, any type of schooling is going to be expensive? You know, does a college have my, you know, program of choice at you know, at this time of this young 1718 year old that I am? Is? Is it an Is it a good school? So those things that are good schools, it good, what do you think about my list of schools? And I'll say, well, basically, we're looking for accreditation, I know, you're looking at reputation, which is the, you know, the kids, usually the you know, and then they believe it or not, they actually worry about the outcome. I know, when I was going to school, I was just kind of worried about getting through the classes, but now they're starting to ask smarter questions like, Okay, so at the end of my four years, am I gonna be going back home with a degree and not be able to work and being on my dad's couch? Or am I gonna, you know, basically, the value of my education received, you know, what, what is the value of that, and I'm glad that that's what you know, they're doing so I understand that part. And that's the survival part. In we have to talk, you know, to them about that part, you know, we don't want to discount and not listen, and that's the biggest thing I do is I listen to it, I sit through it, I listened to the, you know, how they talk about, you know, I'm wanting to do this, and I'm looking at these schools, and I just, I take a glance at their list. And, you know, I, they tell me what they want to do, and I try to listen as much as I can, because I really want to know, why do they want to do what they want to do? Because first of all, if I see that college may not be the only answer, I'm then going to I'm then going to serve them what they need, you know what I mean? So if a student comes in and I noticed their list looks a little you know, what we call top heavy you know, we're looking there, they got a lot of reaches on their on their list. They don't don't have enough safeties and targets in there, you know, we'll we'll ask them to, you know, possibly think about it don't discount, let's say, the community college, you know, don't discount the trades. You know, we make sure and even with people that are going into like trades and people that are going into certificate work, we basically want to kind of say, Look, we're looking for you for a place where you're going to thrive, a place where Are you want to be someplace where you know, your belly, the fire is going to be lit in your belly. And you really want to go someplace to learn something. Otherwise, we really shouldn't be having a different type of conversation. You know what I mean? Sure. Because my my conversation going to college way back in the 1900s? Was my parents saying you're gonna, you're going to college? Whether you like it or not. And that was it, there was no discussion, what are you going to be? How much is it going to cost? I? Well, there was there was, you know, look, we don't really have that much. And you're going to have to depend on scholarships, but that's when tuition was more affordable. So it was, it was a different discussion back then. So So today, whoever walks through my door, and I sort of do an evaluation with them, I look at my 550 seniors, and I try to just look at the course load, look at their work, what is their plan? Do they have one? Do I have to help them hatch a plan, and then we sit down, and then we start to really get down into what I call the thriving discussion, not the surviving discussion, you know, and we kind of we kind of want to go, even if, if I'm going out into the world, I'm going straight into the workforce, you know, there might be a certificate program that you could do that instead of getting you minimum wage, the minute you walk out of school, you know, you could you could go into something higher and be making an extra five to $10 an hour, you know, why? Why wouldn't we go there, you know what I mean? And so it's, it's basically, let's get fired up, about learning something, because everybody bottom line, whether you go to college or not, you're gonna get educated, and you could be educated, you know, in a good way, you can be educated in a way, you know what I mean? So it's like, let's, let's, we finally have the choice to say, this is what I want my education to be, whether it's inside of four walls, or it's not, you know, you finally get to say, every course that you want to take or everything that you want to learn, it's now on you, and it's so neat to see a 1718 year old, go into that next phase of learning after after their high school. And that's, that's what I enjoy the most.

Venkat Raman  17:10  

When do you when you start talking to these kids? Is it when they get to senior year? Or are you already talking to them in their junior year? That's, that's been you have a big?

Tom S  17:19  [Starting with 9th Graders]

I know, it's such a great question. Now, I came from the middle school. So I was already even doing some workshops after school, getting kids ready in the eighth grade for their resume and telling them what a resume was, what a grade point average was, you know, just to sort of prep them for the high school. And you know, what is this all for? What is this all for? Well, and they were always concerned, wow, will What do I need to graduate from your high school? Or from the high school here in our town? How many credits of this and how many credits of that, and I meant, well, this is what you need, but you really got to look further. And they're like, Well, what do you mean further, I just don't want to fail. And I'm like, Well, again, we're back to that survive mentality. We want to thrive, you know what I mean? So, anybody ever hear a college? Anybody? Who Oh, yes, I had to, they raised their hands as seventh eighth graders. And, you know, I say, well, that's kind of where we want to go. Because that's where that's what we need to reach for, you know, what I mean, and, and shoot for. So I say our theory right now, this year, especially as a and will always be, I think it's a shoot for the moon, but land amongst the stars, because our kids shoot, they shoot very high to the most prestigious schools in the country and out of the country. And, you know, with the, with the yield and the percentage rates of people getting in, it's, you know, as getting as low as now three plus 3%. of those. So it's like, okay, yeah, yeah, that understand that, you know, 100 kids, three, get in from the 100 kids that apply from this community, you know, or from even the world. So that can be even lower. So just understand the odds here, and let's let's really focus on especially with college, because it is so selective is to have a really solid backup plan. And that's the, that's kind of the part where students in that initial meeting don't really want to talk about they kind of want to hear what they want you to answer, you know, right. And that is my job to listen, but it's also to not, you know, not informed or misinformed, it's to really just lay it out and say, Look, this is, this is what it is, and I'm excited. You really want to try to get into this program. It's a really great program. What's plan B, in case you know,

Venkat Raman  19:38  

yeah, yeah. Now, what are the 50% who don't go to college or what do they end up doing? You mentioned Community College trade. How's that distribution look like?

Tom S  19:51  [What’s Next After High School Graduation?]

So, so our distribution last year, I actually printed it out today. Our distribution last year was at 50 around 53 per sent went to four year colleges 27% went to two year colleges. And then in the vocational field we had about 4%. Military was 2%, straight into employment was 1% 1% of our kids actually basically took a gap year. And then we had about seven to 8% that were undecided. The only problem that we have that I would say, I mean is or I'm gonna want, let's not call them problems, let's call them challenges is that, you know, when you get your diploma at any district, you know, you are your college eligible, let's face it, you're college eligible, you have a four year degree, it doesn't necessarily mean you're college ready. That's right. Big difference between college eligible and college ready, like even myself, when I came out of high school, I was college eligible, heavy, heavy college eligible, but I was not college ready. And we had no seminar classes in my freshman year to kinda, you know what I mean, like, help me along. So it was kind of like, it was a surviving thing. But today, you know, the world is different. So one big thing that we noticed is that, especially at our at our community college rate is that there's a, there's a big drop off after that first semester. And when there's a drop off, we then wonder, hmm, what happens with those kids, you know, if they're, if they're dropping out of a community college, they're probably now going into workforce. So we're already thinking kind of like, as far ahead as we can, as counselors, how do we serve, even the people that we know are going to become a statistic and drop out because they gotta be able to do something, they gotta be able to hatch a new a new plan, we're not their counselor anymore. So it's, you know, what I mean? So it's, it's really being able to, in those initial years, ninth grade, 10th, grade, 11th grade 12th grade, talk about all the possibilities, that that there are because we have such a diverse student population. And, you know, if I was in a different district, where most of our kids went to a four year school and had no problem getting into undergrad, you know, the discussion would be a lot different. It would focus more on that, but it means that we just have to know so much more than just the college landscape. Yeah,

Venkat Raman  22:20  

absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I think I think that's part of your excitement as well, I would think, given that there are all these challenges that you have to work through. And you know, at the end of the day, an excited kid ends up doing the right thing and thriving in your vocabulary. I mean, it's a great testament to what you're doing, right?

Tom S  22:42  

Yeah, that is the biggest, the biggest thing is, I always say, thrive. You know, we're, we're human beings, we're all curious people, your curiosity is not going to end, when you leave high school, even if your four years at our high school was not the best, you know, are, you're still gonna want to learn, again, what that learning is going to look like, is different for every kid, I always say there's 550 seniors in my thing, and they're 550, different pathways, you know what I mean, they're all going to take door, they're all going to take their own separate, you know, way, but they're all going to land. And that's we just want to make sure they're, you know, they're excited about the next. It's usually about the next two to four years, I always say because it's that that's big, a lot of things happen in those two to four years.

Venkat Raman  23:31  

If you were to reflect back over the last now, 13-14 years, you mentioned here, any, you know, any good vignettes or success stories, or anecdotes and things that you look back and say, you know, feel very good about,

Tom S  23:50  [Success Stories]

um, I think, you know, we have, we have students that, you know, when they leave, for me that my personal best is when a student stays in touch, and they come back. And that's when I really, you know, of course, I'm happy to see them and, you know, now they're, some of them become my colleagues for crying out loud, you know, and it's crazy. It's crazy how the, how the world works, you know, it's and you know, some of them become counselors, and you're like, Oh, my goodness, I counseled you, and now you're going to be counseling kids under me. And it's just, it's, it's, it's insane. But the best is to see I think, the students their stories, and I actually put my learning cap on because I like I know that that's feedback. That's, that's going to be stuff that I could use. So I listened really intently and I and I just I listened to their story. What happened? How did you What was your first impression of college or what was your first impression of going into the military? And that, you know, what, what was that like? You know, because I want to be able to share your anecdotes with students that are going to be going through you know that that same thing, and I have gotten such an alumni population that I have kept in touch with, which I never knew, I never knew what was going to happen. I gotta be honest with you, I really thought, you know, once they were going out of our high school, you know that that's it, you know, you just, you just you just lose touch, but I am. I think in October, I'm going to a wedding of one of my former students that graduated, she, you know, she went all over the world, she studied abroad. I mean, she just has such tremendous stories. And I love to take her stories and just share them with the kids and say, Look, these are the possibilities, you know, so those kids that come back are those kids that email me, they'll, they'll write me or they'll they'll message me on LinkedIn, because it's Oh, my goodness, now you're now I'm going to be like your colleague, instead of instead of your, your coach, or your counselor, it's a little weird at first, especially when you're close, you know, but now I've gotten so much older that you know, it doesn't really bother me. So it's, it's because again, it's, it's feedback. And it's really great to see, you know, these kids, it's great to see, you know, when your kids start to walk and then your kids moved to middle school, and then they make the team and then this happens. And this happens and to see them graduate in and I know what what they're going to get. They don't know. And I'm just so excited for them. And I just can't wait for them to come back and talk about oh, my goodness, you said are the differences and you were right or old, you're not going to believe what happened. And can you believe that at my school, it's just it's just fantastic information. And it's it's just priceless stuff. And I I'm there with like a notebook, just writing it all down listening to everything they say.

Venkat Raman  26:48  

What do you what do you find that students who go for the four year college? What kind of disciplines do you know, they end up pursuing? Is there? What does that look like? In general?

Tom S  26:58  [Majors Students Pursue]

I would say in general, it's pretty broad. You know, now, the big buzzword now is, is of course, the STEM field. Sure. So anything that is STEM related, the humanities are still very popular, still still very popular. But I think kids know more, that the STEM field is going to yield more money. Sometimes we have a student that could go either into the humanities or stem, they're really that strong of a student. But I think, you know, again, they're smart enough, and they're savvy enough to look at the job outlook, the future, you know, what is the STEM field offer that the humanities field cannot offer. And so we tend to see a lot of kids really pushing the STEM field, and stem has become a real big thing in our high school. And that that seems to be the biggest field in the hottest field right now. Anything in technology, technology and engineering, or science, a lot of science majors to probably get your doctorates and, and a lot of math, we're we have an abundance of math now at our school, which we didn't have, when I first got there, you know, we had to actually add a multivariable calculus to our teaching. And I know there are some high schools that don't even offer that level showing, but we had to, because we are just our, our sciences and math, were just out of control. We added a new computer science degree to, you know, sort of Academy to our school as well, because that has become one of the hottest fields and our Academy of Finance, we have a lot of little tiny schools within our own big school. And I think that's how we, how we survive well, because we have kids that can sort of be in a smaller school and not get, you know, really, you know, eaten up by the by the huge population we have there.

Venkat Raman  28:55  

As you look at these students and look, think about students elsewhere in the world, what kind of advice would you give them about college and career as they are in high school and pondering about the future?

Tom S  29:07  [Advice for High Schoolers]

Yeah, so I always say, you know, the top three for me, I would say is number one. You know, your learning is forever. There is there is it you know, my deacon at my church said at the best he says, you know, when your son or daughter and I'm not I haven't taken my daughter yet. She's only 14 When your son or daughter goes for that driving test. Yeah. And they get their license. It's woohoo, you know, jumped in the car. Now they're an expert driver, and I'm not at all. I probably had more problems in my 20s than anything as a driver. I hope my daughter Oh, my daughter or son listen to this. Don't listen to this podcast. But Deakin said it so well. You never stop learning to become an eve In a better driver, and so forth, so it's just a stage. And I really I, you know, and I know we've been through it, but when you have an 18 year old in your office, or even a 16 year old, whoever you're talking to about school, sometimes I talked to 14 year olds, you know, it's, you really want to impress upon them that this is a stage of life, you know, it call it college, I mean, you can call it your dream school, you can call it whatever. But the bottom line is, you're going to be doing a lot of learning after this, as a matter of fact, you might even change your mind. And God forbid, you mentioned that to them. And in a meeting, they just, they don't want to hear that. But it's, it's my job to say, you know, the average kid that goes to four year school will end up changing their mind once or twice, sometimes their major, they may, and then I then I really get them upset, they may have to change schools, or, you know, they may do their math, and you can see, they don't want to hear it, they get a little red in the face. And I say, if that happens, it is okay, you will be fine. You will get there. If you have to patch work your degree together, you know, even if you go to the community college, you know, you can only stay there for two years, and then you go to a four year degree and then you're most likely going to be doing work and your graduate or doctorate level because you're going to continue to learn and do different things and you're going to get bored in a certain profession, you may even turn 360. So just be extremely, extremely flexible. And and try to understand I always assigned them remember the book, who is who ate my cheese.

Venkat Raman  31:37  

They moved my cheese Who moved my excuse me Who Moved

Tom S  31:39  

My Cheese? Yes. So Who Moved My Cheese, I always try to assign that book because that's what they assigned to me when I when I erroneously went into the business program, you know, at a college and then figured out I didn't want to do business. But that book was assigned to me at first and I read you know, it's only 100 page book by Dr. Said by Dr. Stanley and I read it and it was great. And I understood it. But now I live it, I see it. And you know, when you get my age, you're like, Wow, all the different decisions I've made in turns I've made, you know, and you just tried to say, hey, look, read this book, come back. I know it's about a couple of mice and a couple of humans. But believe me, there's a there's a deeper meaning. And I actually get some seniors that come back, I make them summarize the book, and we talk about it and we say hey, look, this, this is what's this is what's going to happen. Okay, so if things changed a little bit, you have a couple of choices, you know, you can pull yourself up in the maze, right and the cheese maze, or you could, you can move on, and you could learn to thrive and you can learn to accept and, and you know, one door even though one door closes, you know, another one's going to open and as long as you're sort of on a path. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, you just move a little bit to the right or take just a little bit of a left hand turn, it doesn't mean doomsday it that that is going to happen, you're going to have to tweak your career, especially today with with schools offering these degrees that you can actually make up your own degree, you know what I mean? It's like, there's just so much room now to, to turn a little bit and not make a major, you know, mistake, you know, with that turn. And then the second thing is, which goes hand in hand with that is that, you know, Frank Bruni, the author, New York Times author who wrote his book, where you go is not who you'll be, and basically just said, Look, you know, just because you went to this school, or that school doesn't mean you haven't made or whatever, you know, you're gonna have to really go to a place and bring out that thriving, you know, personality that you have in discover you in be you. And if it doesn't happen in your first second or third choice, it doesn't mean in your fourth choice of a school, that it won't happen, you know what I mean? Because otherwise, we would just have not even 1% of the world being happy and successful. You know, so it really makes a lot of sense. And I tried to tell them, you know, you there's 4000 schools in this in this great country, you know, we'll find one for you where you can thrive, you know, what I mean? Where you can really exercise, you know, be intentional, make a plan and really look at the, I would call them the things that kids just they never look at the byproducts, you know, of a college because, you know, they're thinking, you know, affordability, they're thinking does it have my major, you know, but they're not looking at all of the all the great things that are gonna come from a school and I didn't know that until I actually went there, you know, all your lasting connections, the the development of new talents, you know, your increased confidence how you can improve your teamwork skills, you could, you know, be inspired by students around you, you know, there's, you learn better time management. You have you have experts in the field that are teaching I mean, the experts have experts on it. exposure to different cultures, even though we're pretty exposed at our school, you know, you really want I always say, try to pick a school that's kind of like our school, you know, like, like a, you know, the United Nations of all different cultures and, but it's just, there's just so many byproducts of the college process, you know, the, the opportunities to give back, the mentorship, the internships, the, the travel opportunities, I was just talking to, you know, a family about was like, you know, I'd rather let my daughter go and stay a semester in Ireland under the guise of a school here in the United States for three and a half months, instead of letting her go for a week to Punta Cana by herself or with a friend. Because I, I feel like, you know, there's, you know, there's such, it's such a cool learning opportunity, absolutely. These institutions, even though they, they, they charge a lot of money, but they offer so many things that until we find something better all in one place, I think college will will, will always be king, you know what I mean? As as a, as you know, if you're looking for that four year education,

Venkat Raman  36:17  

we're gonna start to wind down. But before we do that, I just want you to talk about the secret behind all this excitement and energy that you have.

Tom S  36:32  [Staying Excited]

You know, I don't know if you look, but you know, in my, in my private code, I call it my private coaching, I'm really into personal development, I really love to work on you know, instead of, you know, you we always I've been saying it all along, you know, there's sort of a, you know, thrive not survive. Yeah, you know, there's, it's, it's the, we've heard the term, you know, we just watch the Superbowl and they're, you know, they're talking about how defense how defense wins championships, and I'm, I'm like, I'm the other way, no offense wins, championships planning, wins you a championship, you know, growth is no a growth mindset, you are going to make mistakes. And I think the reason I think that way is because I make tons of mistakes, I mean, millions of mistakes, you know, growing up, and even through school, and so forth. But I learned so much more, having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. So I applaud and get excited for the people who are not afraid to come out of that comfort zone, because we're all afraid to come out of the comfort zone. Yeah, we are we, you know, we do not want to come out of that comfort zone it me included. But I know that to grow, I have to I have to plan. And I have to be lucky. And being lucky is not necessarily, you know, I mean, let's face it, luck is really preparation, colliding with opportunity. And if you're if you're not preparing, and you're not being put in a place, like a college or a learning environment, or an area where you're coming out of your bubble, you know, to smash into that opportunity, you're not going to have this luck. So luck is something that we create, it's not necessarily something that happens to us, it's something that happens for us, but you have to prepare, you have to you know, and even if things don't go the way they do, which a lot of times they don't, it's Yep, you still land them, like I said, amongst the stars. And if you just follow that simple philosophy as as basic and generic as it is, I can still speak that way to a student who is not going to a four year college who's barely going to graduate, you know what I mean? I can talk to them the same way, and get a fire in their belly going. So that whatever is going to happen next in their learning, because they will learn, I just want them to show up with you know, I mean, we all know that motivation is fleeting, it goes comes and goes. But can but consistency is something we could work on. And that that's something we can be deliberate about, that we can train ourselves to be consistent and to just put into push and when you push, you know, it's there's gonna be days that you don't want to do things. But I mean, that's, that's life, you know what I mean? So you got to you got to learn to be consistent. And you have to learn, you know, that you you're growing and you're you're learning and you are going to make mistakes, and it's okay. The smartest person in the room is the person not who has all the answers. It's the one who asked the most questions. So so keep on going, keep on asking, keep on inquiring, and, you know, always, always, always, always try to learn and learn about you. And that's, that's the biggest thing that for me for colleges. I love how kids find themselves for those next four years. And then even the next four years after that they go into graduate work, they find themselves yet again, and then they you know, now house comes in and now marriage comes in. Well now they found themselves again now a baby, they found themselves Again, no, now we're going to take a turn and go into a different career. Wow, I just keep finding myself and it's just such an incredible way to see things. And I just see when my students come out. I like when they come back and tell me, you know, remember when you said and I'm like, No, I don't remember. But I must have said it because it sounds like me, right? And I say, you know, hey, I guess I'll take credit because you know, it, something's working. And that, like I said, That That, to me is the is the is the payment, the payment is hearing them with their anecdotes when they come back and just, you know, you're like, Wow, this is I'm really making a difference.

Venkat Raman  40:41  

That's awesome. That's awesome. So Tom, thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your philosophies, insight and your passion for counseling. And I'm sure we'll talk more in the future. But for right now, thank you so much. Take care and be safe.

Tom S  40:58  

Venkat, thank you so much. I'm so honored to be on your podcast. Thank you so much.

Venkat Raman  41:02  

Absolutely. Take care. Take care. Bye.

—---------------

Venkat  41:11

Hi again!

Hope you enjoyed our podcast with Tom Stepkoski of Westhill High School.

Tom’s approach to counseling has been shaped by his coaching and teaching experience over the last few decades. Here are the high points:

  • “Thrive, Not Just Survive” philosophy;
  • Start Counseling early;
  • Challenging & Guiding students find the appropriate next chapter for them;
  • Delivering personalized attention to  a large and diverse population of students.

I hope college-bound students and parents find Tom’s counsel useful.

For your questions or comments on this podcast, please email podcast at almamatters.io [podcast@almamatters.io].

Thank you all so much for listening to our podcast today.

Transcripts for this podcast and previous podcasts are on almamatters.io forward slash podcasts [almamatters.io/podcasts].

To stay connected with us, Subscribe to Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts or Spotify or visit anchor.fm forward slash almamatters [anchor.fm/almamatters] to check us out.

Till we meet again, take care and be safe.

Thank you!

Summary Keywords

Podcast for High Schoolers, US Colleges, College Podcast, High School Counselor, High School Students, College Counseling, College Admissions, College Application, Extracurricular, Applying to US Colleges, Westhill High School, Advice for High School Students,Managing Expectations, Applying Early, Dream Colleges.


Is College in US for you?